faith.

today’s been weird for me.
seeing everyone from Street Invaders, and talking with Joey and Tony has made me think.
and I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.
about my falling out with the church, and my faith, and God.
this time last summer, I was eating supper at the church, waiting for worship to start and that peace to fall over me.
a peace I haven’t felt in a long time.
this year has just been really rough on my faith.
I stopped going to youth on Thursday nights, I stopped going to church on Sunday mornings, and it seems like I just stopped associating with the church at all.
I miss it.
I miss getting excited for guest speakers, and outreach, and I miss drinking up as much of Him as I could, every chance I got.
I think I want to start going back, but I’m not sure of the welcome I’ll get.
who wants to let the lesbian bisexual with the slutty attitude and a sailor’s mouth back into church?
surely not anyone I know.
everything about me goes against so many rules, and I don’t know how much I can press the boundaries.
but at the same time, I want to be back there again.
I miss the enthusiasm in that group, and all of the fun that could be had, as long as you were prepared to be hit hard at the end.
I think I’m going to go back to Merge on Thursday, and who knows? maybe I’ll stick with it and go back to that good little girl I used to be..